3.3.2012 :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST BROTHERS, MUHD HAFIZ AND MUHD ARIF AIMAN

:)

 this post is dedicated for both of you, especially hafiz since it his birthday tomorrow. arif i'll make a post for you when its 29th of march aite?

:)

dearest hafiz, happy 11th birthday :)

yes, yes he is eleven years old already, how fast time flies kan?

 it was just like yesterday that i was so excited that my auntie is giving us hafiz to babysit and now he  is all grown up. 

it has been 11 wonderful years you have been with us. 

thank you for giving me the first ever experience of being an elder sis.

thank you for being the best asisstant that i could ever asked for. you have been through my ups and downs, regardless of you understood or not but you always was there wanting the best for me.

you make the sweetest youngest brother, at these very young age the things you do for me sometimes amaze me. so thank you for that.

thank you for calling me everyday when i am far away.

i know it has been a though year for you since i left, but you have been doing a great job at home.

you had carried out all responsibility very well. and i am very proud of you baby boy.

 thank you for growing up fine, being a very good boy. i would never complain.

i love you muhd hafiz, may you grow up to be a good son, a good student, a good man, a good husband and a excellent muslim.

love you adikk :)

i want to be....

i am not prefect, i have flaws everywhere. i make mistakes everyday, i hurt people with me actions. sometimes intentionally and sometime unintentionally.

i miss the little kid i used to be. i miss the spirit i use to have. i was a lot energetic those days.

i am weak these days. really weak. i wonder what i would turn out to be in the future,

i do not want to be  just a a person who lives for the sake of today. i do not want to be the normal people out there who chases the wrong things, who lives for the wrong intentions.
i envy so much those people who are so devoted to ALLAH. who can sacrifice a lot for the sake of the ummah. who can think rationally think in the middle a chaotic situation. who can calmly accept every hardship with a smile without losing their faith on HIM, who believes whole heartdly with every single thing that hits them even though it breaks their heart, they still keep the smile and believe in what ALLAH has fixed for them, i envy so much whom keep their love solely for HIM.

oh ALLAH may i change for the better.

made up my mind.

you are having a great life without me, carry on.

i would never interfere.

and finally home...

hello everyone.

i am finally home after two silly weeks. it has been among the toughest week, only ALLAH knows.

thank you ALLAH for keeping me strong.

i cant wait to get myself out of that place.hmm.

i am just expecting better weeks to come. 

i am trying to get myself doing something exciting. registered myself into a few competitions, we'll see how it goes aite.

i am fine alone. i have been completely fine alone. i have become stronger. i spill my emotions less, only to sn and mum nowadays. i crap and be loud most of the times just to make me happy. 

i am selfish. but who cares, 

its just me, myself and i nowadays

. my senior was right, she had always told me not to depend to people...she said that no matter who, everybody changes and when you are too depending to each other when that happens  it'll hurt so much. very true.

i have gone true this since 8 until 17. never thought that i am gonna go through this again at 19, 

and gosh it gets harder each time.

but never mind loneliness gives me peace,

i believe i have grown up. i believe i have figured out myself.

i fit the best with me and no one else.

i wonder when it comes to me, do i even cross your mind?

i am just invisible to you and your world. feels like a stranger nowadays.

its true,

everybody changes at some point of life, we just move on don't we.

p/s : dearest you, i just hope you would never change...i am not strong to loose anymore:(

:(

:(